‘Australia deal’ = NO DEAL. Johnson has failed the nation

How dare you try to scam us with your Australia deal baloney! How dare you try to rebrand no deal to conjure up sunshine, cricket and barbies when you know full well that ‘Australia’ means scorched earth for the UK?

This comment – unverifiable but wholly believable given the man’s track record of offensive gaffes – is now circulating on social media:

‘A former MEP with contacts in the Brussels secretariat says it was Johnson’s arrogance that destroyed hopes last night. “Despite a belief on the EU side that Mr Johnson had come to make peace, he went in to the pre-dinner à deux meeting with VDL with all guns blazing, urging her to sideline M Barnier. He claimed that he was unimaginative (not his job), and that after years of blocking reasonable UK requests, he was an obstacle to a deal. He also made an embarrassing crack about Barnier’s being French, and both the British and the Germans knowing how difficult they could be. VDL, who was cool, made it very clear to BJ that Barnier’s mandate from the EU was solid. She called his bluff, and asked if he had any fresh proposals. He did not. After that, the dinner was an exercise in studied politeness, but Johnson did not appear to notice the offence he had given, and continued to make facetious comments. Several people asked afterwards whether he realised how serious the situation has become.” ’

To end up with no deal would be a failure of statecraft, you said. Watch and weep.

You said such an outcome would be the fault of all of us. It isn’t. It is your fault. It is Brexiters’ fault. It is the ERG’s fault. It is the fault of the Conservative party. It is the fault of the right wing press. You ‘won’ with lies. You’ve governed with lies. The negotiations have been a lie.

And it was always your intention to crash out. To crash out and blame everybody else for failure, whilst creating rich pickings for disaster capitalists and economic and political chaos which will please Putin.

Ken Clarke summed up the strategy with horrifyingly accurate foresight:

We are in the midst of a pandemic which has claimed tens of thousands of lives due to your government’s corruption and incompetence. And now you heap no deal on the bowed shoulders of we citizens. The job losses, the hunger, the homelessness, the closures, the sell-offs, the isolation, the misery and the utter, utter shame of this most shameful episode in our modern history is all on you, Johnson. You and your cohort of liars, thieves and charlatans.

You think you’re Churchill, Alexander de Pfeffel Johnson. You are not fit to speak his name.