Category: Corruption

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The week in Tory – it’s the satirists I feel sorry for!

Russ In Cheshire

The Week In Tory is a whopper, so I’ll do the promo thing first: “Four Chancellors and a Funeral” is out on 21 March; and please support “Tories: The End of an Error”, currently being written. And now, for your pleasure, an 84-point torrent of awfulness… I’m not saying things are getting a bit reactionary, […]

The first ‘Week in Tory’ of 2024

Russ In Cheshire

Brace, brace for the first ‘The Week In Tory’ of 2024. Also, please read the information at the end, which my publisher insists I add, and which helps to pay for my dog to eat things (other than rotting pigeons he finds on the field). Ta. 1. Boris Johnson, once voted “worst PM ever”, heroically volunteered […]

Time to put an end to this Tory chaos and destruction

Editor-in-chief

Enough is enough. Time to stop the destruction of the fabric of our society. Brexit has been the unmitigated failure it was always destined to be. Ideologues, fantasists and proto-fascists are taking the country in a disastrous direction. Corruption is rampant. Sickness and poverty are rife. Victorian diseases of poverty and malnutrition are back – […]

Thirteen years of Tory governance – manifesto promises vs reality. Part 4: 2019

Iratus Ursus Major

Welcome back, readers, to our scorching series where we’ve previously dissected the 2010, 2015, and 2017 Tory manifestos. Today, we turn our critical eye to the 2019 Tory manifesto, continuing our journey through a decade of Conservative rule marred by unmet promises and political chaos. Our previous analyses have laid bare the stark reality of a party struggling with […]

The week in Tory (it doesn’t get any better…)

Russ In Cheshire

Strong language warning! You don’t like it. I don’t like it. Nobody likes it, and I wish it would stop. But dream on because here, for Christ’s sake, is The Week in Tory! 1. It is 13 years since David Cameron – a thumb with a mouth slit who played at being PM in between […]

Oh Lord! ‘Call-me-Dave’ is back, Dallas-style

Sadie Parker

Rishi Sunak’s long-anticipated reshuffle was less significant for its scale than for its surprises. The news broke at 8.35am: Suella Braverman had been sacked. It later emerged there would not be the customary exchange of letters, where the outgoing minister says it has been the honour of their life to serve and the prime minister […]

Have a laugh! Here is a prize email from the numpties who have been in post for ten minutes (and in government for thirteen years…)

Clare Knight

Here’s the Year 6 (11 year olds) ‘writing-for-a-purpose’ attempt from this week’s new chairman of the Conservatives. So proud is Richard Holden of his party that he decided to skip pasting in the logo. Astonishingly, it appears that ministers have all been endowed with magical powers which have made them instantly successful in all their […]

The week in Tory – and, yes, it’s only Monday

Russ In Cheshire

Warning: contains strong language. Somehow, it’s time for #TheWeekInTory again, even though it’s still only Monday. Four more days of this week to go, and we’re already up to 74 points. F*ck-a-doodle-doo! Anyway, do a quick snort of glue, and then let’s get stuck in.  1. Suella Braverman took a break from kidnapping dalmatians to say […]

Rishi closes his eyes to think…

Richard Haviland

Rishi closes his eyes to think. This time next year he’ll have left this all behind. California. Sunshine. No annoying questions from annoying journalists. Surrounded by people he can relate to. Despite all the damage, Rishi knows he has the chance to do one good thing today. This culture war stuff was never really his […]

The week in Tory…it’s an absolute casserole

Russ In Cheshire

I apologise, but try as I might, I can’t find any material for #TheWeekInTory. Only kidding. It’s an absolute casserole. Let’s down a pint of absinthe and get stuck in. Also – trigger warning. [Contains strong language] 1. We begin with the Covid inquiry, which revealed the shocking news that everything we all knew three years […]

He’s back! The week in Tory…

Russ In Cheshire

Delighted to be publishing Russ again. This episode of the week in Tory is a cracker. Contains strong language. 1. Britain faces a crisis in health, education, farming, energy, housing, childcare, social care, imports, exports, manufacturing, services, debt, growth and infrastructure, so Rishi Sunak announced his grand plan to slightly alter A-Levels. 2. As Sunak finished […]

Introducing M I Birtwhistle, special adviser on burning boats…

M I Birtwhistle

Hello South-westerners, My name is M I Birtwhistle, retired secret service officer, and I live in a small Somerset village where I’ve kept my neighbours up to date on government thinking almost every month for the last fifteen years.  By a strange quirk of family history I recently found I was entitled to a place […]

That resignation letter…

Emma Monk

Nadine Dorries’ resignation letter in full. It was quite fun to read. I fluctuated between “what on earth is she talking about” to “ha ha, she’s bang on there”; a mixture of whining “poor me” to real hatred towards Sunak! Wow – a lot of the things she thinks she achieved during her time as […]

‘Small Boats Week’ fiasco vindicates Portland mayor

Sadie Parker

Suella Braverman is the kind of person who cuts corners and ploughs on regardless. Nothing gets in her way. Not our constitution. Not parliamentary sovereignty. Not the rule of law. Now, in her latest project, the Bibby Stockholm detention barge for asylum seekers, those behaviours have put the lives of people under her department’s care […]

Yet more Tory gaslighting! Don’t fall for these latest examples

Anthea Simmons

We’re just waiting for the Conservatives to take credit for the Lionesses’ epic win, to be honest, but in the meantime, here are the latest shocker whoppers being trotted out to con the public. The fall in the rate of inflation is all down to government policies and the refusal to pay public sector workers […]

Top ten Tory gaslighting lies

Editor-in-chief

Could have done 100, to be honest, but it would just be even more depressing. It’s important that we don’t let the Conservatives get away with these and other dreadful lies: New gas drilling will reduce domestic bills. Desperate people arriving on boats are the cause of all our woes. Government has no control when […]

This is not normal

Anthea Simmons

Every day in Toryland seems crazier and more disturbing then the last, doesn’t it? We are in the middle of a climate emergency and a cost-of-living crisis. The energy companies are making outrageous profits from ordinary people. The Tories have shrugged off landmark defeats in two by-elections as nothing, while Labour ties itself in knots […]

Cruel, corrupt and in contempt – it’s all about ‘c’ words for these Conservatives

Anthea Simmons

They really don’t care, do they, these Conservatives? They don’t care how they’re seen by the public. They don’t care if they break the law. They don’t care about the optics of selecting accused/under-investigation rapists retaining the whip. They don’t care about trashing the economy/the environment/the NHS/people’s lives or the UK’s reputation. Instead, they appear […]

The week in Tory…Parts I & II

Russ In Cheshire

Part I: pop on the galoshes of despair, and let’s wade into The Week In Tory ! Warning! Contains strong language… and how could it not? 1. Remember that time, ages ago, when Boris Johnson was found to be a liar, ditched by his party in a 354 to 7 vote, humiliated in front of the […]

This isn’t a resignation statement – it’s a temper tantrum

Robert Saunders

This isn’t a resignation statement; it’s a temper tantrum. And its central claim is untrue. Johnson says he was “forced out anti-democratically” by a “kangaroo court”. So let’s remind ourselves of the process from which he has chosen to run away… Resignation statement in full as Boris Johnson steps down Johnson was accused of a […]

The week in Tory…and what a week!

Russ In Cheshire

Warning: contains strong language and adult humour! Here we go…  1. Let’s start with PartyGate, and joyless claymation ethics droid Rishi Sunak decided to sue his own inquiry for having the temerity to ask to see the things he always said it could see. 2. He said he wouldn’t hand over WhatsApp messages that are “unambiguously irrelevant” . […]