Mr Rushforth humbly puts before the discerning public his latest tribute to the lawmakers of this sceptred isle, who work so tirelessly and ceaselessly on behalf of us all – the privileged and better bred of our society and the feckless and indeterminate mass of common people, alike…
Behold, the Right Honourable Thatcher body-double, Liz Truss, Secretary of State for Foreign, Commonwealth and Development Affairs, tucking into her favourite dish of seasoned swine pluck and offal; to whit, the noble, pork sausage – or sausERGe, as it will soon be known, once the international pork market has thoroughly convulsed to this miraculous meat product and recouped, in a trice, no less than the entire cost of Brexit to date, which our innumerate illustrator estimates at no less than £51-11s-6d.
But wait, you say, has our winsome Pork Minister not espied what has alighted upon the succulent morsel before her and with her very next mouthful, will she not swallow more protein than even a member of the Johnson Cabinet can manage? Not so, avows our artist, who adulatingly answers that the Right Hon member for South West Norfolk can make short work of the chewiest tidbit; especially those long-thought to be thoroughly indigestible, like the Hon Member for Rayleigh and Wickford, for example, that might choke a horse or even give an elephant pause.
Indeed, it is well known that our doughy [doughty? Ed.] Prime Minster saw fit to elevate the lissom Lizbeth upon several occasions and if anyone can follow in his footsteps and unite a fractious party, it is surely she. As our loquacious limner correctly points out, the commodious Truss is happy to accommodate any member.